Adventures in Motherhood

 Panic At The Disco said it well: teenagers scare the living shit out of me.  I think as a mother, it's hard to not feel like a failure. All your friends and family members can hype you up by telling you you're trying your best, you're doing all you can, that your kids will be your kids no matter how good of a job you're doing. But when you see them struggling, see them failing, it's hard to not feel responsible in some way.  Right now my struggle is Lyla, my 14 year old.  She's always been an on-edge, anxiety-ridden kid. I used to categorize this as her being "sensitive" when she was in her early school years. I remember filling out those pre-school forms and explaining that she feels things very deeply and has strong emotional reactions. It wasn't until she was about 7 or 8 when we got her into professional therapy that we realized those sensitivities and emotional reactions were actually components of some severe anxiety/depression.  She was me...

 My oldest daughter, now 14, often says I can be inconsistent. She's not wrong.  I am that mother who will both limit screen time and have full movie days. I am that mother who can be patient and also fly off the handle. I am that mother who will be care-free one day and up-tight the next. I am the mother who wants to save money and who will take you on shopping sprees. I am the mother who will tell you to save your money and that it's okay to spend it. I am the mother who pushes health foods and also allows daily ice cream. I am the mother who will want a relaxing weekend and book others to the brim with plans and company. I am the mother who will say no and change her mind. I am the mother who will say yes and change her mind.  I am the mother who will tell her kids to stand up for themselves and who wants them to show empathy. I am the mother who wont care what you wear one day and tell you "absolutely not" the next. I am the mother who is too open about some thing...